As the year draws to a close, our thoughts turn to the hundreds of thousands of people in the U.S. who lost their jobs this year. In fact, more than 664,000 Americans had lost their jobs as of the end of October, with more than 140,000 of them in the tech sector alone. And unfortunately, many more people are spending the holidays worried about layoffs.

 

News like this stirs up strong feelings for a lot of people. Fear. Worry. Resignation. Relief.

 

Me? I’m pissed off.

 

You see, part of the work we do at Rob Roy is helping leaders communicate. And more and more of them have had to communicate about layoffs. Sometimes we work with leaders who have to let people go. Sometimes we work with people who have been let go, themselves. Sometimes the number of losses involved is so small it never even makes the news. But even the smallest numbers mean big changes for a handful of good people. And over time, the numbers add up.

 

And as we do this work, we experience a lot of the same emotions our clients do.  

 

So, who am I pissed at?

 

It’s not anyone in particular. Whether they’re being fired or doing the firing, the vast majority of people we work with are good people doing their best in a tough situation. What frustrates me the most is how often good people forget the importance of compassion and empathy. Being kind is NOT that hard. But the negative energy, shame and fear that surrounds a layoff can make good people forget to treat each other like human beings.

 

There’s no way around it—layoffs suck. Sometimes they’re necessary. Sometimes they’re premature. And sometimes they’re the result of unreasonable expectations. But they do not have to be inhumane.

 

And it’s the inhumanity of these layoffs that infuriates me. People are made to feel terrible about themselves at a time when they most need to feel confident.

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Maybe you’re one of the people who have been let go. Maybe you’re dreading a potential job cut in the future. Or you could be one of the leaders who has to make the decision and have the hard conversation with your employee. No matter which group you fall into, here are few important reminders that often come up in the coaching and consulting work we do.

 

1. You’re not the victim. You’re not the villain. You’re the hero.
   When bad things happen to us, we tell ourselves stories to try to make sense of it. And in our minds, we tend to cast ourselves in one of three roles: victim, villain, or hero.

   • Sometimes it’s easy to cast ourselves as the victim and say, “There’s nothing I could’ve done. I just got screwed.” That mindset gives away too much of our own power. We abdicate our agency, and we rob ourselves of the opportunity to learn, grow and take control of what we choose next.

   • Sometimes it’s easy to cast ourselves as the villain and say, “I really screwed that up. It’s all my fault.” But in that mindset, we take on too much responsibility for what happened and overlook that fact that a lot of what happens in life is out of our control. And that distracts us from focusing on the choices we do have.

   • Ultimately, with the help of time, perspective, and some good friends, we may finally come to the mindset of, “That sucked. But I still have an opportunity to choose to do some good today. And no matter what, I’m going to do my best and stay true to who I really am.” That’s what the hero does—sets aside the question of blame, and focuses on doing the next right thing, whatever that is.
      

2. Getting fired is personal—just not always in the way you think it is.
   One of the worst things to hear when you’re losing your job is, “It’s nothing personal. It’s just business.” Really? Because it feels personal! Somebody decided layoffs were necessary. Somebody decided it had to be me. If you’re a leader or manager giving the news, you often cannot tell someone WHY. But find the truest thing you can say. “I hate having to tell you this, but we’ve decided to let you go.” “You’re really good at what you do, but we’re changing direction.” “You’ve got the skills, but we just don’t have the budget for it anymore.” Anything other than, “It’s not personal.” Own the decision. Because no matter what words are exchanged, this is going to feel personal. And that doesn’t have to be a bad thing.
    

3. Getting fired is not the same as failing.
   You can be great at your job, hit every KPI, and still get laid off. Yes, sometimes people are terminated for cause. But in the current environment, the vast majority of people who get laid off are skilled, hard-working and getting their job done. Countless companies are pivoting to new business models, experimenting with AI, and/or facing unreasonable investor expectations. I won’t say, “It’s nothing personal.” But mass layoffs are not a reflection of personal failure. They’re the result of massive disruption beyond anyone’s control. The world of business is going through a seismic change. Getting fired does not necessarily mean you failed. It just means this company is no longer a fit. And in the midst of all this change, chances are another opportunity will eventually come along.
    

4. Every setback leads to future opportunity.
   Dysfunctional systems by definition do not last. Dysfunctional systems fail for a reason—they’re not supposed to last. The important thing is to learn from dysfunction and take that wisdom into your next job. What could you have done differently? What could your company have done differently? What kind of conditions, coworkers and cultural values do set you up for success? Rather than taking the victim’s mindset of, “There’s nothing I could have done, therefore there’s nothing I can do now,” take the hero’s mindset of, “I wonder what I can learn from this and put it to good use now?”
    

5. Compassion and hope are contagious.
   Even if you feel scared, stuck, or sad, nothing can take away your power to be a positive force in somebody else’s life. Few things put us more in touch with our own power than being in service to someone else. If you’ve spent several weeks searching for a position for yourself, and you’re coming up empty, see what you can do to help somebody else with their search. Review someone else’s resume. Be a voice of encouragement to someone else. Compassion and hope can spread surprisingly quickly and both are sorely needed in the world right now.
    

6. Consider going independent.
   Finally, on a much more pragmatic note, don’t forget that your value—both emotionally and financially—is not dependent on some hiring manager’s ability to see that value. Are you really good at your craft, but you can’t seem to find anyone who’s hiring for what you do so well? Then freelance. Starting an independent business, though terrifying, has never been easier. Network with potential partners and customers. Experiment with small projects to start. Just get back out there and do your thing. Remind yourself what your professional superpowers are. Feel that magic, and don’t ever rely on any one company or manager to define your worth for you again.

 

Lastly, if you’re one of those people who are in the uncomfortable position of having to lay someone else off, please remember—the person you’re talking to isn’t a victim. They don’t need your pity. They need your honesty, transparency, and (when appropriate) constructive feedback. But perhaps one of the most useful things you can do for them—other than being a reference for their next job—is to help them see their own power and value as they exit this chapter of their hero’s journey and cross the threshold into the next one.

 

Because believe it or not, you’re not a villain, either.